~ three ~

~ looking for ~

now that you’re gone

people ask what i’m looking in a man

but the fact is i’m not looking anymore

i do want someone

to hold my naked body in the cold nights

under the blankets, the way you stopped doing

many years ago

but i’m not looking for them

i turn up the heater and curl up

i close my eyes to not look

i do want someone 

to laugh at my bad jokes the way you never did

you never found me funny, all these years

you found me cute or tender or even laughable

but never funny

i tell myself these jokes

and close my eyes 

to listen to other people laughing

when i don’t care

i do want someone

to hold my hand when walking down the street

the way you stopped doing years ago

there was always a reason

sweaty hands, carrying bags, was just awkward

and i walked with my hands inside my pockets

the same way i do now

but i’m not looking for your hand anymore

i’m not looking for a man –or for a woman, for that matter–

but oh would it be nice

to have these things

that only after you left i could realize

i had lost so long ago

i wasn’t looking for them anymore. 

~ pd ~

this position is open only to people

who care deeply about life

only to people who don’t go through life 

with their eyes closed

but with their skin awake, their tongue held out

to taste and feel and see and hear 

every little thing

someone who savors every new bite

every new lick and sip and sight of this life

someone who loves to wander and discover

and be mesmerized by the world around them

this position is open only to people with hands made to create

art or music or food or pleasure

people who care deeply about others’ wellbeing

people who believe strongly in the rule of law

but are willing to help me overthrow things if need be

people who have in their hearts the love 

to hold a fortress around their own

and the fire to burn what needs to be burnt down

someone with whom i can share

 my favorite words

–llovizna, guarapo, bululú–

even if i have to explain them what they mean

someone who loves to travel 

without caring for the destination

because the world holds infinite possibilities

and not enough life to live them all

if you’re willing to go through life

like if life was a dress rehearsal 

for something else

please don’t apply

we’re not welcoming dilettantes at this time

we need commitment 

not to me, but to life

and its many, mysterious possibilities 

this position is open only to people

who make love like the world is about to end

because it might. 

~ promise ~

this is my promise to you

i will always look into the bottom of your eyes

to hear not only what you’re saying but also what you’re not

i will hold your hand in crowded rooms

below the table at dinner meetings

and when walking down the street to get some coffee

this is my promise to you

my voice will remain soft even when telling you you’ve messed up

you’ll always have the kindness and the patience and the space

your humanity deserves

and i’ll be on your team

even when we’re losing the game

this is my promise to you

i will celebrate your accomplishments and your failures

because trying merits celebration

and when you feel like not trying for a while

we will build a pillow fort and hide inside it

together

this is my promise to you

i will keep our house warm and our wine cool

and when we both come home after a long day

we will find peace and laughter and home

we will laugh about what went wrong

we will cry together if need be

this is my promise to you

the love i haven’t met yet.

Download these as a PDF here.